October 1, 2005
There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the riverside looking like an idiot.
Munro Rooney, old friend and sage of Cooper County, MO, used to say that very thing when anyone purported to be an expert. He didn’t much like those who endlessly researched everything under the sun either. Most of all, he did not take too kindly to self-anointed experts.
I side with Munro because it seems to me there are a lot of folks “standing on the riverside” these days and more than a few looking like idiots.
Here are some that caught my eye:
Concierge –- friendly hotel helper who cheerfully answers questions and knows all. This person is an expert on your particular hotel. The concierge can make miracles happen, or not. If you have experienced the “not”, you will know what I mean. The literal meaning of this word is gatekeeper, doorman, or janitor.
Amateur television cooking geniuses who can show you how to do everything from bake a checkerboard cake to how to make a perfect cream sauce with no lumps. I am opting for my grandmother’s recipes instead. Theirs never work for me.
Skilled home-improvement experts who can turn a worn-out old house into a palace. OK, can any of you guys help me figure out how to make a bathtub level without ripping the shower door, tub and tile out and starting over? I didn’t think so. I really need to know this.
Sommeliers--wine educators found in upscale restaurants. I am a trial-and-error person myself. Here is how I learned a little something about wines. Start taking day trips to visit Missouri wineries; they are plentiful, and some are quite good. They will walk you through wine tasting, and you never feel silly or awkward. Did you happen to read about the experiment that tested 50 or more sommeliers and their wine-tasting skills? They flunked. The survey showed that they picked the cheaper wines nearly every time in a “blind” tasting event. I have no idea what that signifies except that perhaps we should rely on our own taste buds.
Pollsters, political experts, and elected officials-- Some are definitely “standing on the riverside looking like idiots” in my humble opinion. Notice their rush to the microphones? These “experts” are downright giddy about getting an interview with the national media. See how quick they are to get booked on the morning talk shows where they can be an “expert” on something or other. Oh, how they love those microphones! Deliver me, please!
Once, a young reporter friend of mine experimented with the idea of living without a television or listening to the news and all its experts for a month. We thought he was crazy at the time, but he said he was sick of all the “expert” talk. He warned that the transition back to the real world, once the television was reconnected, was brutal. Let us call his method a test case, and we will not try that at home after all.
Munro Rooney, sage of Cooper County, has one more thing to say on the subject of experts. He quotes Mark Twain like some folks quote the Bible. According to Munro, Mark Twain once observed, “Researchers have already cast much darkness on this subject and if they continue their investigations we shall soon know nothing at all about it.”
He was no idiot.
